Realistic Self-Confidence
Leads to Real Success

To look at how to have confidence you need to understand that the typical person is always going to have some areas in their life that they are more confident than others.

You can be very athletic and comfortably confident in your athletic abilities while not feeling confident when meeting new people. Chances are you are confident in more ways than you may realize. The key to discovering a realistic self-confidence is to remove some of the false beliefs you may have developed.

1. False Belief:

I believe that to be successful in life I have to be competent in all the important areas of life.

Realistic Belief:

I know that achievement-based thinking is not the true way to feel worthy. I get some satisfaction when I achieve things that I set out to do, but I know that failures have nothing to do with my personal worth. I was born worthy.

2. False Belief:

The past has shown me how to have confidence in myself or not. My past is my most important guidance-system.

Realistic Belief:

As we grow we don't have the same vulnerabilities we did when we were young. You've gained some awareness on what you think should continue to influence you in life. You choose which areas of the past that you'll allow to steer the present, but you don't have to be a slave to the past.

3. False Belief:

Everybody knows that bad things happen more than good things. The good things I do can't be given too much importance with all the bad. People remember the bad so I should, too. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, I'll have less bad results.

Realistic Belief:

I know that if I win 4 out of 5 times, that dwelling on the one time I lose and how terrible I feel is not a positive outlook. I know I can't win all the time! It's enough for me to do well at something most of the time.

I can use how good it feels to win next time things aren't falling my way, because I know it's only a temporary setback.

Learning how to have confidence has a lot to do with learning how to have a more realistic attitude towards life's ups and downs.

By Peter Murphy

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert.